I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
