just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
