I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
