you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
