Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize