all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
