every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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