I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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