Porn is love you can see.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize