woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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