I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
