You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
