Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
