i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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