im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize