i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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