I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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