I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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