Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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