Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
