I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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