Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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