My balls are so social today.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
