Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
