I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
