A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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