I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
