Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I am available for nakedness
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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