I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
