She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize