and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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