I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
