I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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