I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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