It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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