I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
