his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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