i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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