I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize