I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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