I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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