you traded sex for a burrito?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
