Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
