so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
