I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
