Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
