forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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