I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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