it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
