he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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