hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
