i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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