They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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