You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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