Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
