you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
