You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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