I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
