I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
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Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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