ya dads aren't the best wingmen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
