Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
