Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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