I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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