The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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