That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
