Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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