Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
