why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
